Accidents

Long-time insurance man Bob Cleveland has probably seen this list, and many of the rest of you probably have seen it, as well. But I laugh out loud just about every time I read it, so I thought I would share it as this week’s installment of weekend fun.

The following purport to be actual statements found on insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible:

• Coming home, I drove into wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
• I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my head through it.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
• I collided with a stationary car going the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car.
• I had been driving for over 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the curb when I struck him.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end.
• I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows.
• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I go back and forth on this, but I think my favorite is the one with the mother-in-law in it. What’s yours?